Emotional exhaustion and the Therapist

Although I was planning on posting about something else, this entry will have a more personal tone since it is salient currently given workload.

We have all heard about, and some of us have, experienced burnout. Being in the helping profession, there is this sense (rather verbalized or not) that the individual who is helping is somehow "above" help from others. While most people within individual focused societies may have this general bias, it is unique to the helping individual in the sense that we not only have it, but help others who reach out to us despite them having the same bias. In a sense, this puts us in a unique position, despite contradictions. There is this general sense that if you are helping people, especially with their life problems, then you yourself can "solve" your own with little to no help from others. While this is general to most of the helping professions, I will talk about the therapist, since it is one I am personally familiar with.

The emotional self of the therapist is one that often goes untalked about. As a therapist, I know that it is often too easy to forget about one's personal emotional wellbeing. The emotional self of the therapist is therefore one that is constantly engaged in the dealings of others and their concerns but is often neglected. Therapy, like most helping professions, taxes the individual not just intellectually, but emotionally as well. When it comes to being waited on, treated on, or cared for, the emotional self of the therapist often feels uncomfortable. Why this is so, I have only vague answers for.

Perhaps it is because it is easier to focus on other's needs then it is to ones own? Or perhaps because it is something not normal to the therapist? I do not know. It may be something that comes before being a therapist; as being a person who generally cares about the wellbeing of others. All I know is that it is a reoccurring theme in myself and others who are in my profession.  We therapist are highly unlikely to seek therapy ourselves. This could be a general thing --- most people could use therapy, but not all people need it. However, for therapist, I would argue that we do --- or at least, we need someone, or a group of people who we can be emotionally vulnerable to, in a positive way. Everyday we experience and expect others to be open to us about their deepest vices and virtues. We expect them to hand us --- and trust us, with their emotional wellbeing.

Despite this, it is the emotional self of the therapist which is taxed and hit the hardest. It is a unique but common occurrence that the therapist him or herself may not even realize until they are pushed to their own limits. Emotional exhaustion is something that is compounded over time. It doesn't happen in a day, a week, or even a month or two, but over a long period of time, consisting of hourly visits, missed hour(s) of sleep, or forgetting to take lunch because you are too busy. As therapist we are taking in and dealing with a lot. In any given day we sit with individuals as they experience their greatest achievements to being with them in their lowest moments. We experience with, and sit with, individuals and groups in a large set of areas, dealing with heavy and light issues. It is often too easy sometimes to remember that we are there as well. And I mean that our emotions are there --- our reactions, our fears, our hopes, our vulnerabilities. It is what makes us good at what we do. It is however that which makes us the most in need for emotional care ourselves.

And it is perhaps the risk that is the greatest thing. As therapist, we know uniquely the risk that an individual takes when they come into therapy. To become vulnerable and open to another individual in ways that your mom, your dad, your siblings, or even your significant other may not know you as, is uniquely a highly riskily thing. And it is perhaps because we know of this risk and because we care so much, that we (as therapist and helping professionals) are wary the most of giving in and risking ourselves. It is perhaps because we are so open that taking the risk personally could in a sense be too much.The risk, in a sense, is greater for us because  we experience it daily. It is easier to take smaller risks and sacrifices, then to risk our own emotional stability, even if it isn't doing as well as we know it should be.

As for answers, I have few. It is a risky endeavor. It is a serious thing. We take caring and being emotionally invested as a serious engagement. When it comes to our own emotional selves, in this light, it is no wonder why we experience burnout or crashes --- and why we often do it alone. If we trust our emotional selves to others, when they are already taking in so much, and get betrayed or hurt, then it only makes us worst off. All I can encourage is that we take time. We demand time for ourselves and more importantly --- we let others care for us, and trust that they can. It is hard to do, when you are often in the position of caring. And our defenses for not letting others caring for us are justified in a sense. However, it is something that we have to do, that we must do, otherwise we will lose ourselves in the service of others.

If you know someone who is in the helping profession, reach out to them. Despite what they say, they need you. We in the helping profession know this the best. Although, it is hard for us to ask for that help sometimes, despite knowing what we know. It is a risk.